"Daniel, I'm hungry. I'm going to head downstairs and... stalk some wildebeast."

"You mean eat in the Great Hall?"

"Meh, sort of. The whole 'tearing the throat out of a 400 pound animal with my teeth and ingesting it's organs' part of the metaphor definitely applies to what I'm about to do, I just don't know how yet."

"I'm not wearing underwear so it's hard-"

"HA! That's going on the quote board!"

"DAMNIT!"

"Wanna know what this room is bereft of?"

"Good wireless signal?"

"What do you want me to do? Pull over on the side of the highway so you can fondle my nut sack?"

"No man is an island."

"You should see Daniel in the bathtub."

"Alan when is your birthday?"

"November."

"That's like, next month."

"No... next month is October."

"Yeah, but October is almost over."

"What?? It's September!"

"What the fuck is in this Coke Zero?"

"Have you ever gotten that glow of good feeling whenever you write something really awesome?"

"Yes. I feel like that every time I write my name."

"I hate the internet at Covenant."

"I do too. You know what else I hate? Homosexuals."

"And Jews. The goddamn JEEWWSSS!"

"Daniel and I gave blood today."

"Ewwwwwwww...."

"Oh, not our blood. We collected it from the freshman and turned it in. Some of them complained, and we had to knock Graham unconscious, but we got about three buckets full. AND it's Bella Swan's birthday."

"Man, this is just wrong."

"What Durgin wrote on my Wall?"

"No, the little sister of the girl I had a crush on in high school is now exceptionally hot."

"You had SO much fun over the summer, though!"

"Did not."

"You had a girl naked in your car!"

"It was horrible."

"It was that bad??"

"No. She was that young."

"That's right Alan. Show that door who's boss. Go through it multiple times."

"...and it was the best That's What She Said Ever."