"Daniel, I'm hungry. I'm going to head downstairs and... stalk some wildebeast."

"You mean eat in the Great Hall?"

"Meh, sort of. The whole 'tearing the throat out of a 400 pound animal with my teeth and ingesting it's organs' part of the metaphor definitely applies to what I'm about to do, I just don't know how yet."

"I'm not wearing underwear so it's hard-"

"HA! That's going on the quote board!"

"DAMNIT!"

"Wanna know what this room is bereft of?"

"Good wireless signal?"

"Alan when is your birthday?"

"November."

"That's like, next month."

"No... next month is October."

"Yeah, but October is almost over."

"What?? It's September!"

"What the fuck is in this Coke Zero?"

"At least I kept the horse in the barn when I pulled my pants down in front of your girlfriend."

"Durgin, all you have in the barn is some hay."

"When people walked in to see Batman and Robin they should have given them a jar of vaseline so Joel Shumaker could proceed to rape them in the butt with a razor."

"I hate the internet at Covenant."

"I do too. You know what else I hate? Homosexuals."

"And Jews. The goddamn JEEWWSSS!"

"Man, this is just wrong."

"What Durgin wrote on my Wall?"

"No, the little sister of the girl I had a crush on in high school is now exceptionally hot."

"You're going to Kilter? Gag me with a ball sack."

"You had SO much fun over the summer, though!"

"Did not."

"You had a girl naked in your car!"

"It was horrible."

"It was that bad??"

"No. She was that young."